Do you dare to be you, or do you play a role?
Pictures of my friend Anant, all one and the same person.
He looks in every picture differently, but he is an actor, and it is his profession to play roles.
What about us?
Do you dare to be you?
For example, I met friends again; it was about a year since I had not seen them, and when calling, they said that they had been away for a while and we would see each other soon.
I knew they had a good life and traveled a lot.
When I saw my friend in a meeting, I was shocked. She looked not very well. Later she told me that she had been sick. She started to mail me again, and the bubble burst when we met the next time. What a mess.
Because of playing, everything was perfect; now it was very late to do something and help. I never was formal with them, but they thought they had to pretend.
Another friend, a businessman from the big city, told me once, at your place, we feel good, but in the city with our friends, we can’t walk and talk like here. When he talks to the people here, he plays the teacher.
“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you.”-Lao Tzu.
Do you dare to be you?
What does this mean? Do we need to pretend to be somebody else?
Somebody the society wants us to be?
Or are these our paradigms?
Something we learned as a child?
Read here about Paradigms.
Do we play games, a role? Do we need to pretend?
Are we not allowed to be ourselves?
To be Me is what I always wanted, even if it was sometimes not easy.
I like to be with people where I can be me.
I want to be free to be me!
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”-Bernard M. Baruch.
What about you? Are you aware when you play a game, a role?
The actor’s job is to pretend to be somebody else and play a role.
We all have our weaknesses and flaws, and instead of pretending, we can help each other overcome them.
Read here a post by Ikechi Awazie on how weakness can be an asset
Let’s be authentic and free.
Playing roles is for actor’s
Do you dare to be you?
“If I want to be free, I’ve got to be me.
Not the me I think you think I should be.
And not the me I think my wife thinks I should be.
Not the me I think my kids think I should be.
If I want to be free, I’ve got to be me.” -Bill Gove
Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself, and the right people will love the real you. Unknown.
Read here a post by Ikechi Awazie on how weakness can be an asset
Read this and always remember to Treasure your Uniqueness by Dorothy Williams
See also 7 Tips On How To Find Your True Self And Be Authentic
Dare to Be Yourself: How to Quit Being an Extra in Other People’s Movies and Become the Star of Your Own
Does this sound good? Get the book. It will help to change your life.
In this powerful map to self-discovery, Alan Cohen draws on sources from Buddhism to the Bible, from Gandhi and Einstein to A Course In Miracles, sharing many of his own radiant moments of revelation on the spiritual path. He shows how we can let go of the past, overcome fear, and discover the power of love in our lives. Once we are engaged in the work of truly being ourselves, each challenge becomes an opportunity for growth, each choice a lesson in commitment, and each relationship a renewal of God’s work.
Here are some interesting books on the Transactional Analysis subject
Click here for Games People Play
It can be challenging at times. I see why so many people struggle with this on a daily basis. It all starts within their inner core and figuring out what it is that they truly want! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you Nate,
Yes ,or find out who they really are?
themselves or something others want them to be 🙂
I have always said ‘just be yourself’ people are going to know, like and trust you more than if you try and make out the be someone you are not. The truth always comes out in the end !!
Yes Merle ,
the truth always comes out ,
lets be ourselves and not pretend
Thank you for the comment 🙂
Erika, Good question. I don’t know why people think they have to play games and not be themselves.
I believe a lot of people act differently because of low self-esteem and they cover it up by trying to be someone or something else. I just hurts them more in the long run.
Your friend Anant Thakur is a very nice looking man. I do which him success in his chosen profession.
Have a great day, my friend. Monna
Thank you Monna ,
Anant needs to be somebody else if he play’s ,but if you are not an actor?
I think you are right has to do with self esteem and not going inside and finding out about themselves.
It’s very refreshing to be working for oneself and be able to be yourself. My years in the corporate world were full of people trying to outdo each other and compete for positions and favour. I am happy to be free of that uncomfortable environment. But I think it is very common for people to try and be the person they think you want them to be, especially in roles of authority.
How lovely your friends can relax with you Erika, your farm sounds lovely 🙂
Jacs
Thank you Jacs,
for you comment ,yes I feel you are happy to be you ,it makes me happy too
I love you to be you 🙂
[…] the game I was supposed to play, but no ruler can be the ruler of your thoughts if you are aware. I did dare be me. As a misfit, you can feel rejected and have to learn to trust your intuition and find yourself. […]
Hi Erika,
You always come up with some different and amazing post. This time also it is a very good post, Although i got little after reading but then it looked to me a good one.
So, thanks for sharing.
have a good day.
Hi Robin,
I am glad you liked it ,and hope you did read the treasure your uniqueness ?
It is good to be our real self ,the people who like you don ot mind and the one
who do not do not matter. Be you
Thank you
Erika
Hi Erika,
Very good post.
I have spent years trying to be the person other people wanted me to be and it’s only recently that I’m beginning to accept that I am “me” – like it or lump it.
This is largely due to the encouragement of my son who has shown me that you can still be a good person while standing up for yourself.
Joy – Blogging After Dark
Hi Joy,
Great you do this ,and good for your son .
You can not please everybody . better to be yourself
and the ones who like it stay with you .
Thank you
Erika
Hello Erika! You did a great job with this post my friend! You said it all right here “Pretending to be somebody else and play a role is the actor’s job” One should not try to be something they are not! Been there done that and it doesn’t work real well! The saying fake it until you make it is BS!!
Thanks for sharing
Chery :))
Hi Chery ,
I see you are YOU and you do great with it .
Stay this way .
Thank you for your comment
Erika
Hi Erika,
This is great! You should be YOU everyone else is taken!
There is nothing easier than being your own self and nothing more beautiful you have something unique that no one else has it don’t be afraid to show it to the world!
Hi Emi ,
you are right ,we can not please everybody and it brings only
trouble to pretend.Good if the authentic self is accepted.
Everyone has something special . I think this is beautiful.
Thank you for your comment
Erika
Hi Erika mam, Nice thought. It is right to be ourselves now a days people always want to be what others like. Thanks for sharing
Hi Sazia ,
this time your comment landed in spam,good I found it 🙂
You are right ,many people want to please others or play
like actors. But nobody is exactly like you 🙂 You are
good as you are ,treasure your uniqueness.
Thank you
Erika
“Be yourself, everyone else is taken”…
That’s what this post reminded me of and it’s such a powerful one! We have to be true to ourselves and I believe that leads to a happy and healthy life!
Great post!
Matt
Hi Matt.
yes ,many think they have to be like others or society wants them to be.
It does not bring good ,we can not be happy like this . Better to be
authentic and treasure our uniqueness .
Thank you for your comment
Erika
Such an important topic Erika. The term “authentic” has become something of a buzzword and the truth is most people really don’t know their authentic selves because they never take the time to become truly self-aware. That takes work, and it requires embracing not only strengths but weaknesses. It is however, as you express so beautifully, well worth the effort. Thanks for the inspiration!
Hi Marquita,
nice to see you here.
You are right many do not take the time to become the true self and this is sad.
If you did read the treasure your uniqueness,is it not true ? everybody is special.
This friend in my post had a story which could have been solved by being authentic
and talk to a friend about ,but it got very bad and she even lost her life over it.
It can be really dramatic for someone . I know you did write great posts about this subject.
And we can not write enough about and encourage people to find their true self.
Thank you for your comment
Erika
Hi Erika
The most boring thing in the world is to be somebody else. It is also a waste of time and hurts our essence because we become impostors when we live and act the live of others. Thank you for mentioning my post and your thoughts are just spot. Take care and have a wonderful weekend
Hi Ikechi ,
you are right. I like what you write and be yourself.
It is your uniqueness,which inspired others .
Live the life you want to live and follow your heart.
Be you 🙂
Thank you
Erika
Phew! Great post Erika. All I can say life sucks when I am not me. It is very sad to see people live a life for others, lying to fit in. Pretending to be who they are not. The suffering can not be measured and words can not express the sadness within them. The same when people lie about anything, it is hard for them to remember what to say next, when the first was a lie. I call some that I see superficial. You are right acting is for actors not for a normal person. Actors become there other person to play a roll and do it well and they snap back to who they are. For a normal person to make it a way of life is very sad to see. In a crowed it is easy to read when someone is not themselves. I used to watch one old British Show called “Keeping up appearance” hilarious. At the end of the day we all have to look out for our friends.
Thank you for sharing.
You are right Amaka,
it is sad to see people live for others and do not
know their true self . The whole life is pretending
for them. Everyone of us has his flaws and we need
to accept others as we accept ourselves. the right
people will come and stay.
The art of and actor is to go into a role and snap
back ,but this is not real life.
Thank you for your beautiful comment
Erika
Hi Erika,
Sometimes I try to be myself but it’s difficult enough. Cause i can’t figure out my characteristics, who I am and what I really want to do. I’m impacted by many other factors so that I can’t keep my feeling mostly. Thank you for sharing and inspiring me much. Keep your great share.
Sakura ,
Did you read the part treasure your uniqueness?
You should read it more than one time and think about.
see it is true and find your true self ,if you are strong
in the inside ,you will find what your really love to do.
If you know yourself it will give you strength and you will feel
the pull to what you really want to be .
Thank you
Erika
Hey Erika!
Another great post!
As you said, one shouldn’t pretend to be someone else. Life is simple and short, so one should live it simply without complications and not to waste the time playing other roles.
Keep posting!
Regards
Hussain
Hi Hussain ,
you are right ,living simple makes life easier.
I know this problem is not as much where you live.
I realized it when I cam back from Asia to Germany
and to America. I had a lot of difficulties with my
kids because of this pretending,they thought all is
true.But often it only looks pretty on the outside
better not look behind the facade.
Thank you for your comment
Erika
Hi Erika mam
An amazing post!
I always believe that you should just be yourself. People will love you the way you are. Pretensions and wearing a mask can go on for a while but at the end of the day your true self will come out.
Thanks for sharing!
Hi Sonal ,
you are right being ourselves connects us to
the people who love us as we are . What can
be better ? Wearing a mask brings only trouble.
Always be yourself ,remember you are unique and
good right the way you are.
Thank you
Erika
I read the second book some years ago when I was doing my degree. Very powerful and a great read. I think sometimes we put on a hat for the purpose we need it for, but hopefully we always are ourselves just a different part of ourselves comes out. It’s like being a teacher at school and you don’t show the children some parts of you or your life because it is necessary to keep it from them.
Enjoy the journey!
Hi Mandy,
I think the trouble starts right there in the school and even kindetgarden.
Why can a teacher not be authentic? I had experience with
this in Asia ,Europe and America. I think everybody should
be true and not pretending. In my experience the teachers
who are authentic may not be loved by all parents ,but
this have been the ones who did teach from the heart and
the kids learned best.I see it here with my Grandkid’s
they love the teachers who are authentic and learn best
from them because the kids are allowed to be authentic too.
You are right we put a hat for a purpose ,but this is how we
learned it . It is sometimes not easy to realize this and is it
not a game we learned to play in order to be accepted?
Thank you for your comment
Erika
When we are young or immature, it is very common to want to be loved and accepted by all. I think this is a normal human trait. However, as we experience more in life and become wiser, we realize that being popular may not be what we once thought it was. Today, being popular, might mean you have to pretend to be someone you’re not, or to compromise your principles and ethics.
I cannot live that way, Erika!
In my humble opinion, honesty truly is the best policy. And, it’s a lot less work to just have one story to tell, which is the truth. 🙂
Thank you for sharing this information!
Deborah
Hi Deborah ,
you are right it is not a good life and I too do not want to live that way.
But is it normal that we need to pretend when we are young to be loved ?
Is this not what we had to learn ? This is why we lose our genius.
Good that if we are mature ,we can get aware of our true self .
But many do not realize this. See what Rachel here in her comment said:
If you are busy doing, doing, doing out of fear of being, you will never
release that magnificent person who is calling to live and breathe and
bring unique and precious gifts to the world.”
Is she not right ?
We need to start with the kids and youth now that we realize this.
I am happy you are aware and are yourself and you are great and loved
right as you are.
Thank you
Erika
There are so many roles to play on the job, with new people and family. I think it just happens we are taught to show different faces in different scenarios. I have gotten to know people when I was working. We ate lunch daily and we never shared the real deal about ourselves. Having lived in NY it was certainly ok. It was about safety. In my 60’s I only spend much of my time with people I can really be me with it is less stressful. I only want this one persona the real me. If others don’t accept i’m even ok with that. It is not an insult just preference.
Hi Lydia,
I am happy you want to be your real you.
I can imagine how difficult and stressful it is to be with people
like this . Is it not sad to eat together and never can show the true being?
I am really happy that you can be with people who love and accept you as you are.
All the best and keep being you ,you are beautiful right the way you are.
Thank you for telling your experience
Erika
Hi Erika,
I just learned a name for a behavior I once practiced in my life through reading Alan Cohen’s book, “Dare to be Yourself.” It is called a “Planaholic.” It states “our culture is obsessed with planning and much of it is inspired by fear. Heavy scheduling is a way to avoid intimacy. If we are constantly busy, we don’t have to face our feelings and deal with issues in relationships. If you are busy doing, doing, doing out of fear of being, you will never release that magnificent person who is calling to live and breathe and bring unique and precious gifts to the world.”
so I am a recovering planaholic 😉
I love it ,Rachel
this book seems to be something many really should read.
It is right what I believe and think as well.
I am happy to see you as a recovering planaholic
Be the magnificent you 🙂
Thank you for your comment
and all the best
Erika
Hi Erika,
I can only be me. It’s taken many years to like me.. but when you get into your 40, 50 + and up, I think you become more comfortable with who you are … when you try to be something you’re not it doesn’t feel comfortable … You blog is looking great these days …
I can relate to this Lesly. For a lot of my life I wished I wasn’t the terribly shy, not confident me who blamed myself for not being good enough. I could be kind to others but not myself. For me it wasn’t just age but hitting rock bottom that forced me to change the way I think. I admitted to needing help and had to work hard myself on bringing myself out of the depths of anxiety and depression. The effort was totally worthwhile.
Hi Sue,
the same to you sorry for the late reply ,I just found comments that I missed answering.
I am glad you made the effort to work on yourself and are now in a better state of mind.
It is worth it and I know many have difficulties ,we grew up, loaded with limiting beliefs
and it is not easy for many to find the way out . good if we can start with our kids and
make let them be themselves so they do not need a long journey to find their true self.
Thank you for writing about your experience
All the best
Erika
Hi Lesly ,
sorry for the late reply .
Good ,you got to like you ,this is the most important .
You would not be able to do the great work you are doing
if you would not have found your true self. I think we can
only do a good work if we are confident about ourselves
and can be authentic.
Thank you for your comment ,I am glad you like the blog .
Keep doing your awesome work 🙂
Erika
Hi Erika,
I love this post. It raises a great question. People are always trying to fit the mold of what is expected from them without really finding out who they are.
I love the individuality, I think everyone should in embrace it. We are all different and should accept who we are, ourselves.
~Lea
It is true ,Lea
People try to fit in the mold because this is what is expected from us . This is how we grew up and nobody told us that we are unique beings and that we are good the way we are . /we have to learn it to embrace it and some have really to go to despair and difficulties before they find themselves. Often it is not possible without help as Sue in her comment did write about her experience. I am glad to see you are aware of this and love individuality and wish for you that you can love and accept yourself.
You are awesome ,right the way you are 🙂
Thank you
Erika
Hi Erika,
Interesting topic! It took me a while but I think it was in my late twenties or early thirties that I came into my own. Guess I had to shake out those inner cobwebs of doubt to be who I really am. It is a freeing feeling.
I can only be me and the best part of that is that if people like me that’s wonderful…if they don’t…I really don’t care. I used to be a people pleaser, but I freed myself from that.
-Donna
It is a freeing feeling,Donna ,you are right and we all have these cobwebs ( a new word for me 🙂 )
Good if we can realize it and get out of this doubt. Many do not realize and I think this is why so
many are in a depression . Good ,not to care about people who do not like us . But sometimes I
feel compassion because it is a reflection of themselves.
Reminds me on Miguel Ruiz :“Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally…
Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.”
Thank you ,be you 🙂
Erika
Erika, your friend is very handsome. The article is so true. If you are intuitive, you know what others prefer. But if you try to be what you are and it doesn’t suit them, they don’t like it. This is my husband. When I decided to be me, he couldn’t handle it. I just told him the truth and he now is always on the defense as if he has to fix everything. I think he has codependency tendacies. Oh well, he is a good man. So, I wonder if I should start walking on eggshells again to keep him happy….lol.
Hi Paula,
Yes ,my friend is a beautiful human being inside and outside 🙂
It is not easy to live with somebody who wants to change us.
I would not suggest that you walk on eggshells ,this makes it
even worse. Be you and ignore it if he wants to change you.
we can not change anybody else ,but we can change how we react.
Here is a quote from Miguel Ruiz book The Mastery of Love :
“…Nothing that your partner does is personal. Your partner is dealing with his own garbage.
If you don’t take it personally, it will be so easy for you to have a wonderful relationship with your partner”
― Miguel Ruiz
This means it is him his problem and reflection ,not you 🙂
I hope this helps you have a different view 🙂
Thank you for your comment
Erika
Erika, actually an excellent article. In my life, I have trusted many of them, but the most of them will play games and act differently. Most of this faces I have seen in my corporate surroundings only. For the position and the favor, they will work and act like that. Being our own is the most beautiful thing in the world. That will surely make us unique. So my good suggestion is also to be something different. Various means not to be an extraordinary person. Being our own and not to be like others that will inevitably lead us to a happy and healthy life
In the corporate surroundings, it often happens that the people play roles.
It is the competition which makes it so . But you do not have to participate.
It is much better finding yourself and your values and be true to yourself.
If others criticize this ,it is most their own reflection.
“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and
self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”– Dale Carnegie and
“Before you go and criticize the younger generation, just remember who raised them.”–Unknown
Dare to be you
thank you
Erika