• How To Deal With Toxic People

How To Deal With Toxic People And Get Rid Of Them

How To Deal With Toxic People

How To Deal With Toxic People

Do you know some toxic people?

Do you know how to deal with toxic people?

I think everyone has some of them in their life. Often they are family members or people we have to deal with daily, and it is not easy to stay away from them.

They belittle us, steal our energy and make us feel bad about ourselves.

However, there are ways to deal with them.

What exactly is a toxic person?

If you’ve been in contact with a toxic person, it usually leaves you with a bad feeling in your stomach.

Often you can’t even say what it was.

But you instinctively know that the contact didn’t do you any good. You feel dirty, humiliated, exploited, or ripped off.

It feels as if you were exposed to a poisonous substance.

If you think about it more closely afterward, you can often see how the person tried to poison your emotional life.
However, there are ways to deal with them.

Here are a few tips:

First, stay away from them, and spent as less time as possible near them.
Usually, they try to get into your company and call all the time. Say no to them.
If they call, you do not talk to them; let the call go to your voice mail. Even if these people want to meet you often,
cut down on meetings. If possible, avoid them at all, and restrict interaction with them.

Don’t take things personally. No offense.

This is the most demanding and most important tip. Because the more personal you take the matter, the more emotional you react. A toxic person often lives on your emotional reactions and are energy vampires that drink your emotional energy and leave you empty.

“Pay no attention to toxic words. What people say is often a reflection of themselves, not you.” ― Christian Baloga

Protect yourself

It is common for toxic people to want to hurt your emotions.

Look to find out why those people are toxic to you. You can do this by yourself and examine what feelings do they trigger and why?

Are you afraid to get like them, or did anyone tell you they are like you think they are? Is it true? Maybe you can find a better way to interact with them if you know the why’s?

What is the root cause of your feeling bad about them? Think about your difference and not being like them before you meet. Outline for yourself how much unlike them you are.

You can talk to the toxic person.

You can talk to the toxic person and may see that they are not even aware that you find them toxic. This is why you need to talk to them and give them a chance.

But do not tell about your feeling or call them toxic; they may get upset with you.

Tell them what it is you do not like, maybe they will change this?

Set your boundaries

But draw clear boundaries; it is crucial to make clear announcements.

Talk to toxic people clearly. As far as possible, without evaluations, without emotion. Just the facts.

But do not let them attack you, do not start arguments with toxic people.

Toxic people are mostly not interested in understanding your point of view. So don’t try to convince them; they do not want to hear it and do not want to admit what you say to be truthful.

Then the person would have to question himself, and that is precisely what he or she does not want.

Therefore: Don’t try to convince toxic people. This is lost, frustrating love trouble. Set clear boundaries. That is all you can do.

Do not argue

Arguing is what they usually like to do, being in control; as soon as these people feel that they can’t control you, they do not like it. 

Step back, take a deep breath, and think about positive and good things. If you do not react, they will stop.

Don’t try to understand the toxic person.

This point is linked to the previous point: don’t try to convince the other person. When a person is toxic and destructive, we always feel confused. You can think about the reasons why someone behaves toxic. But that is of no use. Because the other does not change because of that.

”With some people, the only way to win is to refuse to play.”

Act instead of  reacting

In a game of action/reaction, toxic people are usually much better.

Also, they are not afraid of conflict, stress, and pressure. On the contrary, that’s the game they play.

Lean back. Breathe. Look at things from another perspective. Don’t just react and act wisely.

“Everybody has a hot button. Who is pushing yours? While you probably cannot control that person, you CAN control the way you react to them.” – Unknown

Find supporting and peaceful people, talk with them, do pleasant things together, and move on.

This is the best way to forget these people. Go and make new friends and spend your time with them, and you do not have to deal with the toxic people in your life anymore.

toxic people

To sum it up:

No offense, don’t take it personally

Protect yourself emotionally

Set clear limits.

Stay with your goals.

Don’t feel guilty and try to understand toxic people.

Don’t try to convince toxic people.

Act instead of reacting.

Summarizing the whole in one sentence:

Stay with yourself and your goals, take as little as possible personally, and act wisely.

Not easy?

But the tips may make dealing with toxic people a bit more bearable.

“Until you let go of all the toxic people in your life, you will never be able to grow into your fullest potential. Let them go so you can grow.” —DLQ

We all sometimes have to deal with toxic people; they are everywhere.

Dissociate from them, and you will feel good and have a happier life.

See also > Never allow negative people, negative vibes into your life

Download my free e-book > Let The Sunshine In

Change your thoughts brighten your Day, and feel good about yourself

Affirmations and insights to think about and learn to
change our thoughts and perceptions can change our life.

May it help you to have a more positive outlook  🙂 

 

By |December 15th, 2019|26 Comments

About the Author:

Hi, my name is Erika Mohssen-Beyk. I am German, Iranian, and now Canadian a Citizen of the World, :) I owned an off-grid organic farm which I just sold to the next generation of mindful farmers. I love nature and I am interested in health, fitness, and natural healing. I love to travel and I am a Certified Dream Builder Coach.

26 Comments

  1. donna merrill February 20, 2015 at 10:01 pm - Reply

    Hi Erika,

    Sage advice! I have no room for toxic people in my life. I even had to make boundaries with family members (they could be the most toxic lol) What I usually do in a situation like that is blame myself. I don’t point the finger at them because that fuels the fire. Instead I tell someone something like, Sorry I cannot register what you are saying when you raise your voice. Or if they are the “blood sucker type” Always wanting and pulling my energy, I tell them that I am a enabler …. If I keep giving you money and whatever, I am not only hurting you but hurting me. Sorry I cannot do this anymore. That is the big stuff.

    For the rest, I just ignore and walk the other way. People can be toxic and it can effect us emotionally and physically as well. I need to take care of me so I won’t let it in.

    Thanks for raising this important topic. This is something people try not to talk about Why…I don’t know?

    -Donna
    donna merrill recently posted…When Customer Engagement Matters MostMy Profile

    • Erika Mohssen-Beyk February 24, 2015 at 4:08 am - Reply

      Hi Donna,
      you do it right. This is because you have enough self-esteem.
      Often this toxic people make others down and make them feel guilty,
      this is how they get energy.
      If we learn to love ourselves, they can not hurt us that much.
      We can even get in a state where we feel compassion with them.
      It is never nice to be in their company and best is to stay away from them.
      I think people do not talk about this because some feel really guilty and it
      is anyways not a nice subject to talk about 🙂
      Thank you for your comment with strategies to deal with toxic people 🙂
      Erika

  2. WILLIAM O'TOOLE February 22, 2015 at 12:08 am - Reply

    Hey Erika

    A way to reduce the toxicity in your life is to reduce the time you spend around these people.. The longer you spend around them the more you start to ‘absorb’ the negativity. Some of my family members don’t get what I do so they dismiss it..so I allow myself just 30 minutes a week to talk to them..Anymore and I begin to feel drained.. it turns out they are stealing my energy. I no longer accept this.

    William
    WILLIAM O’TOOLE recently posted…Kik E-Cig Review.My Profile

    • Erika Mohssen-Beyk February 24, 2015 at 4:11 am - Reply

      Hi William ,
      you are doing good with this,
      reduce the time with them.
      I think we have better things to do? 🙂
      Thank you
      Erika

  3. WILLIAM O'TOOLE February 22, 2015 at 11:51 pm - Reply

    Other things you can do is to put your mind in a different place so full of motivation NO one can put you down..If your strength of motivation is greater than someone trying to knock you down then you will become unbreakable 🙂

    William
    WILLIAM O’TOOLE recently posted…A bit of motivation…My Profile

    • Erika Mohssen-Beyk February 24, 2015 at 4:19 am - Reply

      Wow, William,
      this is true,
      We become strong Hero’s 🙂
      Thank you
      Erika

  4. Andy Lockhart February 23, 2015 at 2:10 am - Reply

    Great post, you do need to keep toxic people out of your life. They will drag you down and consume you if you let them.

    Thanks Andy
    Andy Lockhart recently posted…How to Get What You Want in LifeMy Profile

    • Erika Mohssen-Beyk February 24, 2015 at 4:27 am - Reply

      You are right Andy,
      If you let them.
      If we have enough self-esteem and self-awareness,
      they may not even dare to come near.
      Thank you
      Erika

  5. Sherman Smith February 23, 2015 at 5:05 am - Reply

    Hey Erika,

    It’s been a long time since I’ve been on your blog and I do like the changes you made 😉

    Toxic people is a very popular subject and you made some very good points.

    You definitely want to keep your time limited with them as you mentioned. If they can change their toxic ways, even after you’ve talked with them, then it’s probably time for you to find new friends. Family would be harder and the only thing you can do with family is to limit you time.

    In a sense it would be wise to create the persona of people you want to be around. I guess you can say it would be your “target market” as you will find in online marketing! Once you choose who you want to hang around with, the funny thing is that the persona that you’re focus on, you’ll start to attract that very same people!

    Thanks for the share Erika and I hope you had a great weekend!
    Sherman Smith recently posted…8 Copywriting Formulas To Engage Your Blog AudienceMy Profile

    • Erika Mohssen-Beyk February 24, 2015 at 5:00 am - Reply

      Hi Sherman,
      nice to see you back.
      I am happy you like my changes.
      Yes,what you say is right and with family it is harder to deal, but we can limit the time together.
      It is not pleasant to have toxic people in the family, they often have a problem with themselves,
      which we can not do anything about.
      Sherman always a marketer 🙂
      this is a good example the “target market”, I like it
      and attracting the nice people(and customers),this is what we want 🙂
      I have to say,I am very lucky with this, not yet with customers on my blog.
      But in German we say: “What is not, may still come” I do not know if this translation is good 🙂

      Thank you for the nice comment
      I had a nice snowy weekend, I hope yours had more sunshine.
      Erika

  6. Monna Ellithorpe February 23, 2015 at 2:04 pm - Reply

    Hi Erika,

    Great advice. This is a lesson sadly that too many learn too late in life (myself included) but it’s never too late to begin each day anew. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on toxic people.
    Monna Ellithorpe recently posted…Is There Money Hidden In Your Computer?My Profile

    • Erika Mohssen-Beyk February 24, 2015 at 5:25 am - Reply

      Hi Monna,
      you are right, most people learn it late, but it makes us grow.
      Luise Hay said:”That person who is the hardest to forgive
      is the one who can teach you the greatest lesson.”
      Good you learned it 🙂
      Now you are free
      Thank you Monna
      Erika
      Erika

  7. Emi February 23, 2015 at 6:31 pm - Reply

    Hi Erika,
    Great point, you are right we all have those people
    who are draining your energy and it’s painful to listen to.
    I feel bad when I ignore people, but at the same time I know
    I can’t do anything to change them
    so best to keep myself busy with something else 🙂
    Thank you for sharing,
    Have a fantastic day!
    Emi
    Emi recently posted…Create A Gmail Account Without Using Your Phone NumberMy Profile

    • Erika Mohssen-Beyk February 24, 2015 at 5:29 am - Reply

      Hi Emi ,
      you are right if they not change, better to stay away.
      We have better things to do.
      Better to enjoy life.
      Thank you Emi,
      wish you a joyful day 🙂
      Erika

  8. Marquita Herald February 26, 2015 at 11:37 pm - Reply

    Excellent advice Erika! I think everyone has at least one or two toxic people in their lives. And sometimes people become toxic over time depending upon the circumstances of their life. I had a friend I’d known for a couple of decades, but as the years ticked away she became more and more focused on her age and complained constantly about that and a whole host of aches and pains, her job, you name it. At one point I noticed that every time I was with her I ended up with a headache and the muscles in my shoulders would get very tight. I tried talking with her about it as a friend but it became obvious we were just growing in drastically different directions so I finally blessed her on her way out of my life.
    Marquita Herald recently posted…6 Tips to Effectively Manage InterruptionsMy Profile

    • Erika Mohssen-Beyk March 3, 2015 at 1:01 am - Reply

      Hi Marquita,
      I know this can happen, often we go a time together in life and have to leave a friend behind
      because we grow and they stop and get caught in negativity. We have to move on. Compassion does
      not help, in this case. I think this too has to do with self-love, they do not love themselves and we if
      we love ourselves have to move on. It is true toxic people can really make us feel sick.
      We need to take care of ourselves.
      Thank you Marquita you always make me think 🙂
      Erika

  9. Lillian De Jesus March 2, 2015 at 1:59 am - Reply

    Hi Erika,

    It’s so true, toxic people are draining. It’s amazing how a person can make you feel so negatively on life. It’s really hard sometimes to stay away from toxic people especially family. You’re right to not answer the phone or have meetings with them because I’ve done this for many years with certain people thinking they would be better. However they have gotten worse and stress is overbearing. I finally have come to my senses with the realization that those people are toxic and I must stay away from them. It’s unfortunate but sometimes it has to be done to have a productive life.

    Thanks for sharing!
    Lillian
    Lillian De Jesus recently posted…A Beginner’s Guide To Share As Image – A Quote Image ToolMy Profile

    • Erika Mohssen-Beyk March 3, 2015 at 12:10 am - Reply

      Hi Lillian,
      yes, toxic people can make our life miserable and we
      have to think about how to avoid them, seldom they get better
      even if we try to talk to them. Family can be difficult,but
      there is always a way to reduce the time together.
      If we want to have a peaceful life, we need to stay away from them.
      Thank you
      Erika

  10. sandy December 30, 2019 at 7:27 am - Reply

    hello
    nice to read this such great article. nicely written. very good information. Thank you
    keep it up.

    • Erika Mohssen-Beyk December 30, 2019 at 10:42 am - Reply

      Sandy,
      I am glad you liked the article and hope you learned how to deal with toxic people.
      Thank you
      Erika

  11. Jumma January 10, 2020 at 10:31 am - Reply

    Thanks Dear…. I am so frustrated with my grandpa. Because they doing lot of smoking and drinking and they got anger on a little bit thing, i hate these type of people. I was looking for it’s solution and you gave me that.
    Jumma recently posted…BA 1st Year Time Table 2020 – Check HereMy Profile

    • Erika Mohssen-Beyk January 15, 2020 at 8:35 am - Reply

      Hi Jumma,
      Sorry to hear that. I am glad you found a solution 🙂
      Thank you
      Erika

  12. Amar Kumar February 12, 2020 at 10:36 am - Reply

    Hey Erika,

    We should really run far away from negative people because they ruin your life.

    Time is extremely valuable, even more valuable than money so we should always try to spend those on positive people so that you can get motivation.

    You have explored this topic very nicely and I learned a lot of things from it and I personally don’t like toxic people.

    Eventually, thanks for sharing your experience with us.

    With best wishes,

    Amar Kumar

    • Erika Mohssen-Beyk February 13, 2020 at 8:14 am - Reply

      Hi Amar,
      you are right, better to stay away from toxic people who make us problems.
      It is better to choose like-minded people to be motivated to move forward in life.
      Thank you for your comment
      Erika

  13. Aadarsh Roy February 29, 2020 at 8:09 am - Reply

    Hey Erika Mam,

    Excellent post with good information. It is really a good decision to be aware and get rid of toxic person, whereas toxic person are leaves a bad feeling and
    impression on our mind and can also sometime destroy our life. Hence it is better to choose like-minded person to move forward in our life. Toxic person
    leaves a negative impact and makes us frustrated sometimes, hence it is good decision to stay away from those people. More we spend time with toxic
    people more we will absorb the negativity. Toxic people can also hurt our emotions as well and also forms a barrier towards our goal path. Hence we should never try to convince toxic people in our life, and we can deal with them wisely.

    Truly helpful post and thanks for sharing.

  14. Meltblogs December 9, 2020 at 11:09 am - Reply

    Great tips and explanation. It is really very hard to deal with toxic people when you are surrounded by them only. The best thing you can do is, focus only on yourself and SAY BIG NO TO such people’s gossip. Thank you for the article.

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