Overcoming self-hatred – How do you get into self-acceptance and self-love?
We can make self-acceptance and self-love a habit. In my post Why do people hate themselves? I did write about the reasons for self-hatred. Many people have trouble accepting themselves.
Self-hatred is the most extreme form of self-denial. You put yourself down inside, every day, every moment.
But nobody is born with self-loathing!
It would never have occurred to you to despise yourself or even harm yourself deliberately as a small child. That only came about over time.
The most common causes of self-loathing are lack of love or too high demands from parents or other caregivers. The younger generation is also influenced by social media where there is a competition on how to look, what to wear, what one must-have. Rejection or bullying by others, bring constant self-doubt.
With all these negative influences, your self-esteem decreases more and more until you start hating yourself.
However, since this is a belief system, you can always change it and positively turn it. Many people don’t know how to break this vicious cycle.
Here are the best practices and tips on transforming your self-loathing step by step in self-acceptance and self-love and make it a habit.
If you cannot love yourself, then the many descriptions of living self-love benefits seem like a distant dream. It is not about reaching goals that are far away. To overcome your self-loathing, you can start with minor changes.
Start directly with your current state and then get you out of self-hatred piece by piece and make self-acceptance and self-love a habit.
Stop wanting to change
“No amount of self-improvement can make up for any lack of self-acceptance.”
― Robert Holden
First of all, the most important tip is: Do not change under any circumstances! Stop wanting to change; you don’t have to!
If you desperately want to be different, you constantly signify that something is wrong with you. Precisely that is what makes you hate yourself.
Accept yourself for who you are, including your self-hatred.
Realize that you are exactly right for who you are. We all are unique human beings.
Nothing is wrong with you; it is only your perception that you need to change and learn to see things differently.
Read > Treasure your Uniqueness
Inside yourself or outside, you never have to change what you see, only the way you see it.-Thaddeus Golas
Get started by taking small steps every day to achieve more self-love, acceptance, and appreciation.
There is no immediate effect except that you become daily a little happier, and soon you will look back and wonder how you got this far.
What do you like/hate?
Write down everything you like about yourself.” Do you think there is nothing? Really? Think again.
Get a piece of paper and pen and write down the ten things you hate most about yourself. Start with the worst first.
Realize that you don’t hate everything about yourself equally. There are more and less bad aspects about you!
If you read this list, you may feel terrible right now. Realizing the negative feelings about yourself can be shocking.
Here is an exercise that can get you out of this, even if it may seem strange to you at first.
Go outside and look at the sky for 10 minutes.
What do you see? Is the sky blue, or are there clouds? Are there birds flying, butterflies? When it is dark, look at the moon or the stars. Notice what you are noticing.
The fascinating effect: is, by being in nature and looking up, automatically positive feelings arise. You don’t need to change your thoughts consciously, but you will feel the change. Do this more often if you have negative feelings.
Small steps may have only minor effects, but regularly implemented, their effect increases and grows. Once you get started, you will get better at changing your thoughts and feelings without any additional effort.
Best of all, you do not have to do crazy chores; you decide how best to start.
Overcoming self-hatred – what is love?
It’s about realizing that you are adorable. We need a new perspective. One that brings quick and effective results.
To do this, you have to understand: love is love.
Whether you love yourself, your child, partner, your dog, or God, it is the same feeling.
Love is unconditional
It’s not about rewarding someone with love or punishing someone with love withdrawal until the other has finally changed. We are all lovable.
Trust and forgiving
If we don’t trust, then we lack any basis for a fulfilling relationship, regardless of whether to ourselves or another person. And sometimes that also means forgiving.
Whether in a partnership or relationship with ourselves, we have to be there for one another. It is the only way to create connectedness.
Love in actions
In relationships, love eventually wanes if we do not care about the other anymore. But if we get active and care about our partner, it also strengthens the love we feel for that person.
And that is what you can do in your relationship with yourself. Your needs and desires are as unique as you are. Care for yourself.
Overcoming Self-Hatred Through Self-Reflection
The first step is always a self- reflection.
What are you doing right now to take care of yourself? Do you allow your needs?
How do you talk to yourself?
You will likely find that you do very little to feel loved.
You can change that now.
What do you need to feel loved?
Think about your childhood and your closest friends.
In which of your memories did you feel loved and safe?
Ask yourself what is currently missing? What else do you need?
Whatever you discover is fine.
If you are not yet sure what you need, read the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It can help you.
The next step is to prepare for doing.
Whatever you are doing, love yourself for doing it. Whatever you are feeling, love yourself for feeling it.– Thaddeus Golas
Write down everything you could do to feel loved.
The good thing is that you don’t have to worry that it is too much or that your requirements are inappropriate. It is all about yourself. You can ask anything of yourself that you want.
Often what we want from others is what we don’t give ourselves enough. When you do this for yourself, you add less neediness to your relationships, which instantly improves them.
Here are a few more examples for you:
If you want to be listened to, you could take the time to be alone with yourself.
You could meditate or get aware of how you are feeling.
Do you like little gifts? Then reward yourself more often. Treat yourself, buy a flower or book a massage.
If you want more recognition, take the time to look at your achievements and appreciate them.
Do you need a little more action and fun?
As you may have noticed, your body and mind are very closely related:
When you’re sad or depressed, you hang your head and shoulders and don’t feel like moving around a lot. But you can change your mood with the help of your body
Get up, turn on your favorite music and start bouncing. At least a bit and gradually increase it. Swing your arms, get your whole body moving, start dancing.
Even if everything in you might resist initially, do it. Do this daily or even more often.
Then come up with things that make you laugh.
Nobody can be dancing and negative at the same time.
Or, maybe you need some care like a warm bath, tea, and some rest. Or time for a good book. Do all the things that make you happy. And what makes you happy automatically increases your feeling of love. It is how you put self-love into practice.
There is a whole range of ways in which you can give yourself love.
All this brings us to gratitude. If you feel happier after a good laugh, a warm bath, or a massage, be grateful. Nothing is more healing than the feeling of gratitude.
Make it a habit by day-to-day Implementation.
Now comes the part that may be a little tricky. But if you take this step, you will see changes. So stay tuned. It is guaranteed to be worth it.
Promise to yourself to do one of these things every day. Maybe make a list.
Sometimes it only takes five minutes. Sometimes do it an entire day. Because you have so many different things on your list, it never gets boring.
The important thing is consistency. If you do something for yourself every day, it becomes a habit, even if it’s only minutes. At some point, you don’t even have to think about it anymore. You do it because repetition is the key to creating new habits and what we want in life.
Make self-love and self-acceptance a habit.
We want it to be normal for our mind, that you can take time for yourself without guilt and feel comfortable doing it.
When you have anchored your self-love in you, you link your self-worth and self-acceptance and act on it every day. And after a while, they become who you are. It becomes a habit.
In the beginning, you do the actions to strengthen self-love within you. And then you do the same activities because you love yourself.
Nurture the relationship with yourself every day. Do not interrupt the momentum and let the self-love in you continue to grow.
Have the courage to overcome your self-loathing. Because it is not what you are. It’s just something you think a belief system. Love, anxiety, fear, and hatred are all feeling generated from your thoughts. You have the choice of what to believe and the power to change your thoughts and your feelings. Make self-love and self-acceptance a habit and live the life you love.
All your life, you will be faced with a choice. You can choose love, positivity, and gratitude that things aren’t worse or hate negativity and bitterness that things aren’t better …I choose love positivity and gratitude that things aren’t worse.- Johnny Cash
Do you have a story or experience with self-hatred or self-love?
Please share your thoughts with us!
Making changes in life needs serenity and meditation. It can help you and make it easier to make self-acceptance and self-love a habit.
Zen12 is a meditation program that uses unique “brainwave entrainment” sounds to make it easier to start meditation.