Do you have an inner critic, and do you listen to him?
Do you listen to your inner critic and feel that you are not “good enough”?
An inner critic is a bad companion. He is always ready to trick you into any complexes. When you fail, he whispers, “You see, I knew it; you are just not good enough.” When you are successful at something, he may say: “You just were lucky.”
Many carry what they learned and believed as children into adulthood as an unconscious decision that can cause all sorts of problems.
With these inferiority complexes, we carry on what was instilled in us in childhood.
It means beliefs, for example, not being enough, not important, intelligent, or capable enough. A common belief is, “I’m not okay the way I am.”
These complexes can be profound. You may think of them as normal feelings, but they do not belong to you. Exploring and understanding them is crucial so you can let go of them.
If you have low self-esteem, you will often make these defective self-assessments throughout your life. With every challenge, conversation, and look in the mirror, low self-confidence can pop up and dominate your thoughts.
However, deep inside, you know that you are unique, just as all people are unique and carry something beautiful within them. But your inner critic says something like, “Be perfect!” and “Do it better!”
As a kid, you maybe felt you were only accepted and liked if you behaved in a certain way. You wanted to belong, and when you tried to please your parents or teachers, you did conform; you had to do this. Maybe you had the feeling your wishes and interests were against the expectations of others.
But as an adult, you struggle with it for a lifetime if you are unaware and do not correct these beliefs, thinking, and feelings.
Know that you have the power to change this.
You did not create your beliefs; you inherited them. All you have to do is to analyze them in the light of truth and let go.– Bob Proctor
You must realize that you are good just the way you are. Everyone is unique, and so is his way of life.
You can change your attitude to a more positive outlook.
Also, you do not have to fit in; on the contrary, it is often better to be a misfit.
How dull would life be if everybody were the same? We could not grow and evolve if every path were straight without obstacles.
Especially in our time of change, we need people who think critically, do not conform, can overcome difficulties, and make a difference.
You can tackle life’s challenges in a self-determined manner and enjoy life simultaneously.
Here is what you can do to change your mind if your inner critic shows up:
What you repeatedly say and feel about yourself will become, over time, your new reality.
Make it a habit to write ten sentences daily about yourself as if it were already real. For example, “I am doing great at my job.” I am flexible when I exercise.” “I eat healthy food.”
You do not have to believe it yet. Also, you can adjust the sentences to your unique situation and see how you want to be. Ignore the inner critic. And after a few days, you will notice how your attitude changes.
You are fine the way you are. Be proud of yourself; you have done the work to reach where you are now. And you are allowed to make mistakes and show yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses. You are entitled to want more in life.
You are enough the way you are.
How about living with the following sentence: “I do my best. And that’s good enough.” What is your best? It is the sum of your skills, strengths, and competencies. Your flaws, your character, everything that makes you who you are.
Being Authentic makes you special. You are unique and “good enough” just the way you are.
Talking about experiences from childhood
After talking with my friend and colleague Romil Rambnad about writing about our experiences and the feeling of not being good enough, I started to think back to my past experiences. I realized that I had not much difficulty with this and pondered what might be the reason.
It came to mind that my early childhood may not have conditioned me to think of being not good enough. It is most likely because I had an exceptional nanny. My mother told me later about it.
An older man was living with my family. He was a far relative of my grandpa, and because he had lost all his family during the war, my grandfather took him into the family. My mother told me when I was born, he was so in love with me, sitting permanently beside me and taking care of me. I became like the apple of his eye. He was more around me than my parents; they had to go to work. Nobody was allowed to say a bad word to me. He even fed me and took me for walks, and in the evening, my mother had to chase him to go and sleep.
He thought I was born for him, and I always had him like a good angel around me; nobody was allowed even to give me a crooked look.
When I was only six months in school, my parent moved away. But he came every weekend. He died in his sleep when I was eight years old.
Maybe because of his love and care, I did not feel “not good enough” because it is usually the first seven years that shape us for life.
Experiences in school
A bit later, we moved out of town into a house surrounded by fields and nature, and from that time on, I became a bookworm and started reading my mother’s books. She had a lot of good books, and I was not interested in kids’ books. Nobody around me could make me feel not good enough or inferior except maybe in school.
I had to ride a bike for nearly 3km daily to school in any weather.
One day, it was snowing, and I came a few minutes late. The teacher was upset, and I explained it was because of the snow and that I had a long way. He said: “Yes, I know you are the one who lives near the dumb.” I said that I did not know any dumb and realized that he was not in a good mood and wanted me to feel inferior.
If the teachers had trouble at home or at school, they often had a bad mood, and some even beat the boys’ hands with a ruler.
I told my mother about it, and she wrote him in a letter that he may be confused about the direction because the dumb is near his house.
That was the last time he dared to talk badly to me. I learned not to take them seriously and felt they did not understand better.
“There comes a point when you have to realize that you’ll never be good enough for some people. The question is, is that your problem or theirs?” – Unknown.
A teacher can ruin a kid’s life, as I later experienced with my kids. There are also good ones who are responsible.
I never did let them make my kids feel not good enough.
These days, it is even worse in kindergarten and schools.
Hopefully, the parents will keep protesting and not let governments ruin our kids for life.
This is part of my experience that can make “feeling not good enough.”
Stay tuned for the story and experience of my young Friend Romil Rambhad. A story from another generation in another country. He also will share a SELF-IMAGE BLUEPRINT that will help you to feel “Good Enough.”
What about you?
Do you know that you are good enough just the way you are?
Have you experienced situations that made you feel inferior?
Please share your story with us.